Sex Life, Being informed

Becoming informed

As it is in childhood years, information gleaned by teen agers form their siblings, from friends, school or neighbours or from the media can be off putting incorrect or confusing in fact in in these bewildering adolence years in can be down right terrifying. 

 Horrible language was used for example ’So and so got fingered' at the weekend is one reference I remember clearly at age 13.I remember being so shocked by that phrase and by the imagery of it that I couldn't imagine anyone putting fingers inside me much less that this could be part of sex, Its always look so beautiful in the movies. I knew what ‘intercourse' was, but I didn’t know that there were all these extras out there as well and and it only served to frighten me more. Much of what I had learned about sex came from CLEO magazines in the sealed section. It gives me shivers to think of them now, they were so crass I'm all about how to make yourself appealing to men. 

My parents had a library. In which there were a few books about sex I read the Kinsey Report  but there was also a few sexy paperbacks. One was about some woman in India he committed adultery, got caught and was punished by having her breast cut off that wasn't so good to know about and I was about 12. 

Even when sex education. It's a liberal and comprehensive it can confuse and embarrass students. 

I remember people in my class speculating a lot about sexuality this topic was upmost on everyones brain. Our 'human development’ classes weren’t just about sex. They showed us videos about anorexia and drugs as well. The sex bits were mortifying one day I had to put a condom on a plastic penis in front the whole class. Everyone was giggling I suppose I could have said no, but that would have been even more embarrassing. 

Sex Life, School Education

Even when sex education. It's a liberal and comprehensive it can confuse and embarrass students.

I remember people in my class speculating a lot about sexuality this topic was upmost on everyones brain. Our 'human development’ classes weren’t just about sex. They showed us videos about anorexia and drugs as well. The sex bits were mortifying one day I had to put a condom on a plastic penis in front the whole class. Everyone was giggling I suppose I could have said no, but that would have been even more embarrassing. 

Styles of sex education in schools vary enormously as does the curriculum. 

We did have sex education but you would have to hard pressed to know it was that. It involved a lot of coded warnings about temptation and the workings of the devil, We thought it was funny and tried to wind up the teachers of the flesh ‘Sir what exactly is irregular motion at the flesh?”. 

Sex education? They threw it all in with periods and deodorant, all one package. We got a box with a mini deodorant a giant Pad and a mini booklet explaining birth control and dated stuff like a sponge. Actually we received more sex education from the “Glove Affair" which was a themed dance we had at school. They had contests to put a condom on a penis with your mouth, and slides of different sex organs. We made a womb room so you could see inside a 

a womb like space that promoted masturbation versus abstaining from sex. Very different to other schools and actually we had a little teenage pregnancy in my school. I only heard of one girl getting pregnant and she was not shunned at all. 

Many adults view teenagers as their red faced horniness with disapproval and fear but I believe that if we provide proper education and instil in them a strong sense of self worth they will probably make reasonable decisions about sex. For example whether or not they're ready for certain types of experiences.

I went out with a Dutch boy whose parents were very liberal. They had no problem allowing us to sleep in the same bed in their flat and even fudged the issue with my parents. So I’d be allowed to stay even though we had permission and freedom to be sexual we did not have intercourse because I didn't feel ready. 

Sex Life, Household influences

Household influences it's not just relationships with parents that impact on teenagers sexuality that other aspects of their home life that may play a role for example living with a single parent has been found to have an effect on sexual behaviour.

In particular for;s who’s mothers are dating might be more likely to have se  and in general as I pointed out in early at chapters a mother's views of sexuality whether spoken or unspoken has a significant effect on their children. 

 My mom has never made any secret of the fact that she sees sex as a bit of a chore one of the sacrifices that you have to make if you are to be married I don't even know if she had an orgasm. She never talked about things like that we me. So looking back I guess it's no surprise that she tried to shut down any attempts I made to discuss it with her. Well maybe it's a generation no thing where and that she did say about sex was always passed on in a very cautionary manner. Continual references to ‘saving’ ones virginity and being aware.

One 's virginity being the last of the dangers not getting pregnant and just generally creating a picture of man as sexual predators. Who I only after one thing. Sex was something I saw as quiet scary as a teenager coming of age. 

I was 15 I first had sex and I stayed in a relationship of sorts with that person for 2 years I'd say of sorts because he was frequently I'm faithful and traded me terribly, but I felt I because I lost my virginity to him therefore had an obligation to stay with him. 

My mom had always impressed upon me how shameful of was to be considered a promiscuous woman. She had only ever had 3 sexual apartments in her life time and each time she had been in a long term relationship. I thought that was the sample I should follow, regardless how much suffering I went through. 

When one 's children become adolescents it's a bit different to hide one 's sexuality.- Although its no bad thing for them to be aware that paradox sexual beings but at this age they know exactly what's going on! 

Being in a nosey little shit, aged 13 or so, I was shocked and amused to discover a sexual object under my mom's bed. My my second step dad was into porn. I found a massive war chest ( literally- he was a vet) full of Mayfair, Playboy, etc under a  60 kilo dryer in the back shed. I developed strong arm and back muscles during their tumultuous one-year marriage. This was unfortunate (no real regrets) a formative part of my sexual consciousness and only adult male input to my sexual identity whatsoever. 

I didn't think my mother was too happy it about sex having had 7 children they use to go up to bed on a sunday after dinner. My brothers and. I would be washing up the dishes my father would say ‘ re you coming up Violet?’ and she’d say ‘Oh all right then’ in a reluctant kind a way, We’d all look at each other.

Sex Life, the role of Religion

The role of Religion. 

Evidence suggests that those with strong religious beliefs or spiritual practices as well as those who reach puberty later than usual maybe more likely to delay intercourse.

However there are exceptions. 

My first experience of intercourse I was 16, but then I went without for 3 years because I was dating a girl he didn't believe in sex before marriage. After I proposed to her and she agreed to marry me she went and had sex with a guy at work. I broke up with her because I'm no longer trusted her. 

Strong religious beliefs can also lead too intense guilt or and inner conflict. 

My mother didn't know how to handle me. I had adopted the bishop of my church as a role model when I was 11, I told him about my feelings towards other boys. ‘It's normal' he said 'but it is a sin'. In Bible study we learned that man shall lie down with men. That was when I knew I was going to hell. The issue became one between me and god. ‘ How day you make me this way' I would pray ‘If I'm destined to go to hell?'

How an adolescent feels about being sexual with another person at this age. Morally in terms of religious beliefs will often predict the type or extent of his hers sexual experience. Having stronger academic goals, being a high achiever may also make it less likely that a young person will engage in adolescent sex. 

Unfortunately it works the other way around too. Girls ( usually in mixed schools) downplay academic achievements or allow them to slide in order to make themselves more attractive and less threatening to boys. 

This in turn may make it more likely that they will have sex. 

Men seldom make passes at a girl who surpasses. Franklin P. Jones.

Sex Life, Communication

Experiencing good quality relationships with parents may reduce the likelihood that adolescents will have sex with peers- and it also seems to lower the frequency as well as the number of partners however a strong positive relationship with the parent does entail having an ability to talk comfortably together about sexual matters. 

Well now son finally moved into a dorm room at college my husband made me go to the store and buy a large supply of condoms. He is way more conservative and shy than I am. My son calmly took them and put them in his bedside draw. He’s in a band, and I'm nervous about the that world- disease and everything so I just keep buying your condoms I know they're expensive it's a shamea about that cause these kids really need them. 

If parents communicate clear messages about sexual values hopefully through both discussion and practical help and monitor their adolescents without being too harsh or intrusive that their child might delay starting to engage in sexual behaviour. 

We gave our son some condoms in eighth grade we said we dont' expect you to be using these because we think your young emotionally but in case anything happens. Here they are

Sex Life, Sex and Self-esteem adolescence

Sex and self-esteem.

It's been claimed many times that engaging in sexual activity makes teenagers feel bad about themselves but there’s quite a bit evidence suggesting that sexually experience adolescents over the age of 15 actually tend to have better Self esteem then their less experienced peers. When teens do feel bad about themselves for sexual reasons it tends to occur when they have coerced when before they reached puberty, when they did it as a response peer pressure or when they became sexual as a result of the effects of alcohol or drugs. Otherwise there doesn't seem to be too much of a downside in terms of psychological or physical effects. 

I had many sexual experiences as a teenager my first  inter-course was with my boyfriend when I was 13. He was 16 and we have a long loving intensely sexual relationship we were both curious and that seems to have absolutely no fear or self consciousness it was really beautiful time of experiencing my body is not related to his. I had a 3 year relationship with him and I ended amicably, she went away to college. 

My late teens and I was very comfortable with sexuality I was married and in love at 18, so we were commutable in each others skin. She was 3 years older than me. We were very young and when we discovered each others sexually in a tent while on the side of the road. I sucked a bee-sting from her ankle and promised I’d always look after her, well 10 years together aint bad going

The testimonies I gathered along with existing research suggest that there are arguments for and against teenage intercourse. Understandably our society insists that has to be some control so that problems such as disease, sexual coercion, and unwanted teenage pregnancy can be avoided and not all teenagers are ready to take on the responsibilities that go along participating in mature, partner sex. However it's not easy to feel that one's parents, teachers, religious leaders and society at large want to suppress one’s natural overwhelming urges.

Sex Life, Peer Pressure

Peer pressure appears face strong factor motivating adolescents have sex. Although they tend to be influenced by what they think their friends are doing rather than what their friends are actually doing. For males having a girlfriend can provide status. Where the realities of having a relationship may be secondary. Teenage boys certainly when in the company of their peers- tend to approve of and admire sexual experience and priorities sexual conquests. 'Scoring' is just as important as scoring in sports and that can really add to the pressure of wanting to be perceived as a winner on both fronts. 

I'm a big guy, my friends thought I was a hot sexy guy, but they didn't know I wasn't having sex.

I acted like a guy that shagged a lot of girls but I was having sex with my own hand. 

For girls however it's a different story many people I spoke to said that girls tend to be called ‘sluts’ and ’skanks' by both boys and girls if they have sex with the boy while in a relationship. 

I went to a small school the most popular girls were not sexual not good looking and nasty about girls who had boyfriends. They  had some sort of social power and were considered ‘cool’ . None of them lost their virginity until after school but they were also the girls who got super-skanky after they left school they went absolutely wild at university. 

No one is more carnal that a recent virgin John Steinbeck. 

Each societal subset including different ethnic and religious communities has its own set of views about whether or not it's okay for a teenager to have sexual intercourse. Irrespective of the legal age of consequence. But one thing they will tend to have in common is a double standard moreover lax rules for boys than girls. 

My husband and I are pretty liberal but we let definitely were challenged when that second child and first daughter became a teenager. We felt more protective towards her and we didn't want her to have the same level of freedom as he had. When she was invited to a sleep over it worried us far more than when he stayed at a friends house over night. 

My brother who is younger than me was allowed to stay at friends house our parents hardly seemed to check up on him at all. By then  I was 16 all hell would break loose if I went to the movies and wasn’t home by ten. Arranging a sleep over was way more trouble to them, then what it was worth. First there was a check up call to my friends parents, then the check up call when I was actually there, and finally an inquisition when I got home. 

A pervasive, negative view of sex- with accompanying double standards- is often internalised by teen agers them selves.

As a teenager I remember we were having a sleepover at my best friend's house. She went to a brother Toms pocket and pulled out a condom! We knew he was seeing Martha Love! We were 15, and none of us had sex. We were totally disgusted we thought she was a “slut". 

Sex Life, First intercourse

Having the first intercourse the first time is sometimes planned but it can also occur without full forethought. For example I've heard many testimonies indicating that taking alcohol or drugs lead to sexual mistakes through inpaired judgment, risk-taking and temporary blackout. 

I lost my virginity as a result of getting drunk at a unique party. Afterwards I had no idea what happened except I had my underwear in my hand when someone climbed into the dorm window and scared us both. The boy was also very drunk I saw some blood but I didn't remember anything because I was too drunk. Later the boy who was my boyfriend at the time wouldn't admit we made love even when I asked him. He went into the army and about 15 years after he came out he came to visit me. 

He told me then that he thought I was the love of his life. I just said just out of curiosity what did happen that that night He said 'yes he did have intercourse with me'. I guess I already knew because I was bleeding. 

There are many possible motivations for deciding to have intercourse -Feeling ready, being in love, wanting to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend curiosity and peer pressure. But a number of people whom I spoked to remarked that, even  though a person may decide to go ahead, things do not always go according to plan. 

It was a her first time she really wanted to but she was wincing with pain and it was really hard to get my penis inside her. I lost my erection because I felt bad for her. I tried to get hard a gain but at one point she even laughed, which didn't help. 

At school my friends gave me playboy magazine I kept pictures of vaginas and took them home laid them on the floor and jacked off . I didn’t like girls of my age. The neighbor had a huge crush on me when she came to me she took her clothes off and she told me she didn't want to get pregnant. I didn’t want to have sex. I was you wasn't turned on at that time we just lay there and kissed and she put her pants back on and walked out. That was so embarrassing. I don't know what to do I didn’t know there was a hole I so you just put your penis into. She was just looking at me like I was pathetic it was so embarrassing later on I admit I saw a blue movie and saw what was going on hat's going on here and realized. What I should've done. 

Chastity is curable if detected early.

Of course some teenagers feel it's important to remain virgins until they marry and manage to do so. Many who do not share this sentiment nevertheless receive strong pressure from parents religious groups and society at large. In many cultures maintaining virginity is essential and until marriage. Some girls who have already had intercourse go on to have surgical restoration of their virginity.

Quite honestly for girls in my family it was dangerous to go the whole way, my brothers could do whatever they like but we have to be careful. My sister was raped by older cousin but she couldn't tell our parents she eventually ran away and we lost contact with her.

 Out recent well publicized case of the French Muslim bride. It was rejected and delivered back to her parents by her new husband often he discovered that he discovered she was not a virgin, as she had claimed. illustrates how clashes occur between people who develop different values depending on that particular environment. The illusion of it unity can be creative while Hypmenoplasty a surgical procedure that restores the vaginal membrane. These procedures are being carried out at the request of women who've been unable to provide the required chastity. 

I remember many potential husbands and their families require. There are no good girls gone wrong just Bad Girls found out.

May West.

Even the more liberal cultures girls want to avoid appearing too easy but at the same time they want to be liked. They have often been socialised to do their best to please men. So they may find it difficult to know just how to behave. Receiving pleasure themselves maybe the last thing on their minds in fact many people believe that during adolescence boys a far more interested in sexual pleasure than girls wise famous the more interested in having relationships - or being popular. On the other hand I've come across many teenagers that did not fit the stereotype. 

At university when I was a tame I had my first real sexual experiences. Although at first these were painful I. I soon found out a lot the I liked the whole thing. It made me much more popular and attractive but I was also extremely exciting.

 They say is that these days the honeymoon is rehearsed much more and more often than the wedding P. J O'Rourke

Sex Life, Oral sex

Sex Life, Oral sex

There’s quite a bit of evidence to suggest that oral sex is becoming more frequent among teenagers although that mainly involves girls performing fellatio on boys. Some adolescents Dr Pamela Stephenson has I’ve spoken to said they regarded oral sex as less troublesome, dangerous or meaningful than intercourse and that it was pretty common among their peer group.

Many not didn’t define it as having sex and regarded it as a means of increasing one ’s popularity. Unfortunately teenagers do not always understand that it carries a risk of acquiring HIV or other sexually transmitted infections.

We are openly talked about oral sex. The general idea was that everyone was too young to have intercourse -That was not viewed as an ok kind of sex so we did oral sex just girls giving it to boys. There was actually a lot of pressure put on girls to give blow jobs.  The first one was Gretchen. She gave Stephen a blow job and she boasted about it. She thought it was coo.l She was Chubbier then some of the girls and was always doing things making herself feel sexy, but it backfired. At first older boys gave her a lot of attention then everyone turned on her- especially the girls after that she only dated guys outside of school and tried to hide it.

The best time I had oral sex I was 18 in the graveyard. It was after a dance in a nearby village there were very few places to go so we use to end up in a graveyard. There was a girl from the village she sucked my cock. I had heard about this but never believed it - I thought the other guys were lying about it. I thought it was amazing.

Oral sex was big at school mainly mainly girls giving blow jobs and hand jobs to me and my mates. But me I was curious. Size interested in both giving and receiving from about 11 years. We had school sex education which was very informative and they told us about STDs and how to put on a condom actually I wasn’t that keen on blow jobs and usually my erection would disappear. But we would hear about certain girls and how they were ‘sure things’ and did it a lot. Once, after having sex, a girl told me how many people she has slept with. It was a lot 50 men and she was only 19. I felt extremely dirty and got a check up. I think she told me it’s because I gave her, her first orgasm and I would rather have a girl go and be pleased than let her do something to me. I like to cuddle and hold. To be romantic and passionate . You don’t have to have sex to have all that.

My classmates will copulate with anything that moved but I never saw any reason to limit myself. Em Phillips

Having steady girlfriend or boyfriend has some advantages in particular the women I spoke to tended to think it allowed sexual exploration to progress at a manageable rate while providing a means to that amount of pleasure and excitement.

I had a boyfriend use of poppy’s car at the top of the mountain and we would pet  ourselves silly. It never led to intercourse.

Sex Life, Setting boundaries.

Many adolescents opt to much trial and error do their best to set boundaries according to what feels right to them and to make decisions about how far they will go. Girls not only set limits on where they can be touched, which sexual acts they will engage in but they are more likely to do so than boys, because the heat of the moment can change resolve and so can the of use alcohol or drugs. Peer pressure is also an important factor and those friends are sexually experienced or who think they'll gain their friends admiration or respect over reaching certain milestones. -Such as having intercourse- are more likely to do so.

When you find the place where a woman loves to be fondled. Don't you be ashamed to touch it anymore than she is. Ovid

Sex Life, Forbidden Fruit

One sexologists Doctor Jack Morin  came up with a sexual equation

desire+ obstacle= eroticism. 

This means that if you have sexual desire arousal which most teenagers have a lot of the time. There's some kind of obstacle to satisfying that desire. Which teenagers also face. Most of the time. The erotic charge will be even greater that it would have been without the obstacle. If you think about the most erotic experience you ever had. I can bet that it involved a major obstacle for example someone you shouldn't have bene with, a situation you should not have bee in or some kind of taboo, am I right? This is the end ubiquitous Teenage sexual challenge heightened eroticism. At every turn. 

My most exciting sexual experiences. Were when I was young and there was naughtiness involved For example when we went 10 feet from my boyfriend's parents sleeping parents in the cabin. Well when I was in a raft floating on a raft. 

By the time I was 16 I had my first boyfriend and he will come to my house we never had any penetrative sex. But he touched my genitals and we kissed. My parents were ride upstairs. I only became aware of the full potential for pleasure in my early teens very exciting and also very weak. I was at a Catholic boys school we talked about little else other than girls and how to get the best wank Oh.. And how not to get caught doing it. 

Teenagers tend to progress from hand holding to kissing to tongue kissing, to breast rubbing seemed, to rubbing against each other to touching each other's genitals  through clothing and then direct genital touching. Young men might ejaculate inside their clothing at any stage.

Is progressing pattern often likened to the game of basketball is told by siblings and cousins and peers. Of course it doesn't always occur in exactly that order. 

The first kiss is like magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girls  clothes off. Raymond Chandler. 

Girls also acquire arbitrary rules form those you know little if anything more than they do. 

We all believed he could kiss on the first date. Let him tough your boobs on the second and maybe give him a blow job on the third I'm than anything else in you were a slut. 

It takes a lot of experience for girl to kiss like a beginner 

Ladies home journal 1948. 

Kissing is also extremely important as it's usually an adolescent first intimate experience. 

When I was 14 I was at a Catholic girls school I had a very advanced girlfriend she said there are some cute boys in the public school way when I that that and that was one especially cute while I decided to approaching because I want to learn how to kiss. I didn't write that cues for about half an hour we stayed just locked that it was kind of painful.

 The first time I had a proper kiss. I was both excited and extremely disgusted. He put his tongue scifi into my mouth I started to understand the expression tonsil tickling I didn't quite know how to respond side just let it happen.

Breast fondling it the major erotic pleasure for both boys and girls. The female underwear industries capitalized on the fact that visual appeal of apparently large breasts will guarantee to have that desired effects. 

I used to stuff my bikini top socks. They improved my cleavage but it made my chest extremely heavy when wet. I used to avoid the surf.

When I was around 15 we used to go to a cafe and there was a girl who lived near by I walked her home from the cafe and she sneaked into our house and kissed. I felt her tits she unbuttoned her blouse herself and unbuttoned her bra and pulled me towards her too bare chests. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven we did it several times and eventually she masturbated me as well. She liked being struck outside her knickers but she didn't let me pull at my hand inside. 

Who ever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy got charm. Groucho Marx

Sex Life, Practise makes perfect

As the journey through childhood, boys and girls continue to seek more knowledge about what exactly to do with those developing organs. So they keep practising masturbating (sometimes boys do this in groups). By the ages of six to eight, most boys and girls will have moved on from curious Twiddling of their genitals to deliberate and systematic masturbation provided they are not entirely prevented from doing so by parents who have failed to realise that its normative behaviour.

My mother knew I was masturbating and she would try to make me stop. She’d come into my bedroom and say ok put your hands beside your bad and stop doing that. There was a weekly paper called “star magazine’ in which there would be a picture of a girl in Va-voom outfit  and I thought that was really sexy. I imagined myself to be her and beat her off to that image. It seemed very comforting at that point like I had control. But it was embarrassing too.

The girl in the above scenario continued to self pleasure because Like most children she was unable to stop. How ever she experienced overwhelming guilt about it and her sense of self-worth was damaged because she felt she was bad and a disappointment to her mother. Like many others, she was also confused by the conflicting messages she was receiving: The socially sanctioned sexy female images in the newspaper versus her mothers disapproval.

Sex Life, Six to puberty the sexperiments

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And ;et me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it. Bette Davis

Many adults suffer form adult amnesia. They conveniently 'forget' what horny little beasts they were as children. I've already pointed out that child hood sexuality is an uncomfortable subject these days and many people do not want to believe that children are sexual beings... and, yet they are. We only have to think back to our childhood with an open mind to our own childhoods and our early eroticism, fantasies, explorations and those myserteous 'wet dreams' or secret orgasms.

I could have an orgasm really easily . For example, I could have one by leaning forward while holding a pencil on my lap strategically placed to connect with my clitoris. Of course, I used the eraser end. All I needed was a tiny bit of pressure. And I could orgasm by leaning against a desk if I was asked to stand up to read or answer questions. Or even just squeezing my legs together. I could have been have an orgasm infront of the nuns while they were talking to me. I think they caught on though, because after a while they wouldn't let us cross our legs.

Middle childhood is a time when profound and influential sexual learning is learned from parents, other adults, siblings and friends- and from society at large. These are not necessarily spoken messages. In fact some of the most powerful teachings are picked up by subtle inference. It can be extremely illuminating to delve into ones back ground and determine what sexual messages were received from our parents or carers- and how that might have influenced our adult sexuality. Girls in particular may receive sex is dangerous messages without balancing its fun and pleasurable ones that might eventually help them best to enjoy adult sexuality.

I never had any proper explanations about sex- there was nothing but what you picked up in the playground. Although once my mum gave me a 'chose your own ending book' designed to give girls insight into how men might prey on them and how sexual abuse can happen. I remember feeling really guilty because I would knowing use the foolish answer ('don't to tell anyone') because I wanted to see what would happen and kind of liked reading about it. I got a tingly feeling 'down there'. This made me feel awful, and i remember actually hating myself for it.

Children between the ages of six and 12 at re often even more curios about their bodies and sex than they were in fantasy. And they are now acquiring a vocabulary, to discuss sex comprehension skills to understand when adults discuss it, and computer skills to understand while adults discuss it, and computer skills so they can research it on the internet. Unfortunately parents `who do not help their children to negotiate their sexual journey and especially those who attitudes towards sex foster negative and punitive experiences- can gender profound disappointment in the child. This can colour- or even damage- their entire relationship.

Sex Life, What's that 'down there?'

What's that 'down there?'

Most children are really bugging little scientists engaged in a vital task to provide themselves with an informed sexual future. 

I have sexual responses full almost as young as I can remember I said to my mother one night at bath time ' If I play with my willy it gets hard' I was not yet at school, so maybe three-and-a-half-four?

There was no specific stimulant I just noticed the physical reaction. 

I called it my 'willy' and my sisters was her 'fanny'. I didn't think about them much except ththe hard feeling was sort of nice.

It is helpful for children to be taught the proper names for their genitals so they can feel more comfortable with buddies throughout their lives. I wish we could teach girls 'vulva', 'vagina', 'labia' and 'clitoris' (not pee-pee and so on!). If we found to do so we are missing the opportunity

to teach them important functions of different parts of their genitals, Or worse encouraging them to ignore them as 'unspeakable'. Children need to be told the basic functions of their genital parts - What does what. It's best to label 'vulva', 'vagina', 'labia' and 'clitoris' as individual parts of the genitals and to distinguish  the uretha and anus as separate entities that are used respectively for urination and defecation. If we don't help differentiate between sex and elimination organs, they may grow up thinking that genitals are smelly and unclean which will affect their sexual issues later in life. Sometimes people teach young adult hood and beyond without ever learning important anatomical details.  

When I was associate graduate professor in California as a 32 year old PhD student approached me off to my sexual anatomy class and said: 'It's a terrible thing to admit but until today I thought I peed through my vagina' She's not the only one. 

When I was a young girl I picked up the term 'front botty' for my vulva. Front Botty? What did that suggest- that female sex organs were just front side version of the butt crack?

I called my genitals 'Bottom' in particular 'font bottom'  or 'fanny'. Vagia was a dirty and  embarrassing word.

Studies have shown that girls between one and four less likely to be given names for their genitals than boys are for their male genitals. Why? Is it because the vagina is considered more shameful, dirty or unspeakable than male genitalia?

I never seem to be told by my parents what to cal my vagina although my brother John was referred to as 'stroop' which is an old fashioned Scott's world for 'handle' or  'spout'.  I got the impression from my parents pretty quickly that you didn't talk about things that went down below. 

Parents label other parts of the body 'mouth'  'elbow' so why not "vagina'? If we don't mention children's genitals children learn the lesson that what's 'down there' is bad, dirty and not to be touched. When I am treating a person for a sexual disorder and she then use the words 'down there' instead of the correct names for their genitals it gives me a pretty good idea of the attitudes to sex and their genitals and that kind of environment in which they were raised. It can take a lot of work to help someone like this to become comfortable with their own body and sexuality.

Even though I love the feelings being given cunnilingus. I have to force myself to allow it to happen I first have to scrub down there until its it's clean, clean, clean. Then  I just can't get over the idea it's the area that tastes bad and smells bad and i shouldn't expect a man to go down there. On the other hand I have no problem going down on him even if it's not that fresh. 

Apparently women do have dirtier genitals than men anyone who's ever been to a supermarket knows that!  I mean where are the penile freshness products, I'm kidding of course. The female sex organs should not be viewed as intrinsically unclean and  there's no need for all those feminine hygiene products. Healthy vagina does not have an unpleasant odour.

 I was grateful that my mother told me not to douche. She said my vagina was a self cleaning oven. 

Sex Life, Childhood Sexuality

An acceptance of a children’s exploration and self-pleasuring as a normative part of their development, and helping them to know what is socially acceptable, will help them to become sexually healthy adults.

The other night my four year old daughter was in bed and she said to me “I’m touching my privates, feels great! I just said “cool”

My son was sitting on the toilet with a boner. He looked down and said “Whoah! What’s going on? I didn’t say anything specific he was tiny. I just said “yeah thats that happens sometimes”.

When children have special needs, teaching them about body privacy can be more difficult.

I discovered that my son who has autism, was randomly exposing himself when he first went to school, and also trying to touch his female teachers. We knew it was harder for him than for the other children to understand that this was not okay, or to control his impulses, but his behaviour was upsetting a lot of people. The principal suspended him and threatened to expel him if he didn’t stop. Fortunately we found a psychologist who managed to teach him about privacy and helped him to control his urges.

Parents and carers of children with special needs are particularly ill-advised to ignore signs of inappropriate or public sexual expression in their sons or daughters. Helping such children engaged appropriate sexual behaviour without making them feel ashamed requires exceptional finesse and most likely professional advice.

Sex Life, inappropriate sex education

How many of us had a comfortable honest inappropriate sex education beyond that embarrassing conversation that usually goes ‘Your father and I , think I am, err... it's about time I told you about, gosh is that time. 

Even my students who were about to become doctors of psychology would often sidle up to me at the end of lecture and say things like doctor Connelly thanks for the directions for my wife's G spot. Or while until today I never knew it was possible to avoid ejaculating too early. 

Despite the commonly held me that suggests the opposite making love does not come easily and spontaneously rather it's something we have to learn. So isn’t it ridiculous that because of our prudishness, accurate information is so hard to come by. 

There are many myths about sex procreation and gender and it's high time these were busted!

A major race such study uncovered some of the following beliefs about conception. You don't get pregnant if you douche with coca Cola, sprite or Fanta; You won't get pregnant if you have sex standing up; (my favourite) you won't get pregnant if a man drinks alcohol before intercourse. With so much misinformation about, it's a wonder that any of us manage to get it on safely at all. 

On top of that we have to ask ourselves is any sexual information we receive in highly accurate? Can we completely trust all sexuality research? Do people tell the truth about their sexual secrets? Especially to young assistants with wielding clipboards. 

I do alto of research especially in the apartments of tall blondes. Raymond Chandler. 

Human sexuality does not involve psychology it's heavily influenced by society race, ethnicity, religion, family background, experience and the messages about sex that each individual claims from childhood onwards. So isn’t it highly likely that our personal stories truthfully expounded give us the most valuable insights into the nature of human sexuality in any given society I happen to think so.