Sexlife, Sexually liberating

By contrast I spoke to a number of people who found their 50's to be the most sexually liberating time of their lives.

 Just before my menopause symptoms kicked in, I suddenly had a spirt of sexual energy that I could barely control. It was like I was in my early twenties again. Although I made some bad mistakes with men at that time, it was definitely fun.

Now in my fifties, I've started to rediscover my partner and our sex life. Even brought sex aids. Things improved dramatically. 

I honestly reaching 50 turned my sexual world upside down. I was bored with my husband and we hadn't had sex at all for several years, but didn't want to end my marriage, which was good in many ways. I suppose I was panicking a bit about ageing. At the exact time I met a young man, who really got my hormones going. He made me feel like I was a teenager. I feel guilty about that age difference and there were all kinds of problems between us. But the sex was so fantastic I didn't care. I realized that even being menopausal doesn't have to stop you having the best the wildest experience ever. 

Turning 50 has really freed me from all that body consciousness stuff. When I was younger in my thirties and forties I use to make sure my man never saw me naked from behind, now I say to myself he's not with me because of my looks, so I can relax and leave the light on.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, Preparing children for physical changes

Children also need help understanding sexual development of their own body. Somewhere between 6 and 12 years today. The first physical signs of puberty begin. A sense of privacy about the changes tends to develop as well, but the bodily changes can be disturbing even frightening. If a child has not been prepared for such events. In fact these changes can still be hard to deal with when children do understand what's happening to them and why.

At the age of 10 my friends at school told me girls bleed and I was horrified. I remember hearing them arguing about whether blood comes out of the back or the front. When I was finally told about menstruation, my father who is a vet related it to a cat. 

Children are extremely eager to learn about their sexuality developing bodies, if denied proper information, they usually turn to extremely untrustworthy sources of information.......other children.

We thought babies came out of the mother's belly button. I spend a lot of time trying to imagine how that will be possible a big baby from such tiny hole. Actually I wasn't too far wrong on that one. 

Someone told me to get pregnant from French kissing. 

My girlfriend told me that if you get a cold when you got your period, you got one every single month thereafter. I was terrified, once a month is an awful lot of sneezing. 

Without proper information young people make all kinds of incorrect assumptions about what is going on in their bodies and end up being far more tortured then they need to be.

Dr Pamela Stepehson Connolly

Sexlife, Impact of aging

For the first time women in their forties, women notice wrinkles and the affects of gravity on their body. Women tend to feel they are in a beauty contest everyday of their lives and start trying to camouflage their body or consider major reconstruction.

I have my first facelift when I was 41, and Ive had more work done every few years since then. I think it's a mistake to do it all at once, it's far too noticeable. This way I can keep gravity at bay forever if necessary. My husband doesn't understand why I do it? he says that he would love my body even if I allowed it age. But you just cant trust men. 10 years from now he might run off with the secretary and where would I be?

Lack of body confidence can strongly affect anyone sexuality. Self consciousness and embarrassment can distract us from focusing on pleasure. This can occur in both men and women and of course culturally prescribed values in our society. Such as the emphasis on slimness.

Women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men, as women instead are too judgmental. Because men are just grateful. Robert D Niro. 

Gay men in their forties have few screen role models. Many complain to me made that they are no longer universally regarded as being sexually vibrant. Some adapt to their roles in sugar Daddies status. In hope of attracting young man he valley security, more than youthful sex.

Bob is always trying to get me to go the gym,  he's not a perfect specimen himself. But he excuses himself because he makes more money than I do. I guess I have got to keep up my looks as his arm candy, but I've got a full time job to. 

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, Getting flirty

Sometimes people in committed relationships are afraid to flirt but happen to think it could be a good thing. Social dancing is probably the most common and acceptable way for people to engage in a little 'safe' hanky-panky.

Dancing is perpendicular expression of horizontal desire. 
George Bernard Shaw. 

Obviously destructive flirting for example to deliberately hurt ones partner or in a business situation is fraught with potential problems. But if theres no threat of a lawsuit and you're a good judge of how it is being received, flirting playfully can be uplifting and fun. 

There are times not to flirt. When your sick, when you have children and when on the witness stand. Joyce Jillson. 

Generally allowing yourself to be more playful can be affirming and increase your optimism and joyful outlook on life. Too often couples get settled down in the duties responsibilities and forget to have fun together.

It had been years since we took time off on holiday together. I think we needed a break from the children. You forget how much more you feel like having sex when your warm and relaxed. Not having to get the 7.15am train in the morning helps as well. 

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, Sex and self image

People in their 40's who take care of their bodies, through a healthy diet and exercise and take steps to reduce their stress, will feel better about themselves. They will have a better body image until and feel more attractive ( if we feel more attractive, others tend to think we are too).

I find that if I pay attention to the way I look maybe dress up, get my nails done put on some lacy underwear. I'm more open to responding to subtle advances by others. I really sleep with people who I've only just met. The point is, that I like to feel the options are there. The days the options are not there, I wear my reducing bra and old knickers.

Depression anxiety and sleep problems such as insomnia or sleep apnea can all affect sexual relationships. The arrival of such problems should be taken seriously, and treatment should be sought. Likewise having to face serious physical illness or disability can present serious challenges to the maintenance about sex lives.

One of the awful things about going through chemo is the constant thrush. It never seemed to go away. I suspect that's because my immune system was down, but the worst thing was feeling a burden to my husband and family. I somehow decided I wasn't good enough anything including sex. We had a couple of failed attempts at lovemaking. But eventually I got well enough to say take care of the family. It gave me my confidence, and my sex life returned. 

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, Giving it up

Some people in that 50 stop having sex with other people either by choice or otherwise. There can be a number of reasons why.

When my youngest were 16 and 17 we we're still sharing a bed, but I was getting increasingly bored with the mechanics of sex. So much disengagement. I wanted a divorce. I was in this country all by myself I lost my original citizenship. Finally I said 'Im done, Im bored. I want seperate bedrooms, and its been that way ever since.

It makes me really happy I had such a great active one while I was younger. I wouldn't change a thing about my past.

It's gone I want to figure out how I can have a sex life again. 

All through my thirties and forties i was busy with the children and barely have time for sex. I noted that it was difficult for my poor husband, in those decades. But now things have reversed. My husband's interests is diminished. It really doesn't seem fair. 

Some people stop having sex because they loose that sexual confidence as a result of body image problems. 

Im less secure about my body now at age. When I was young I had no qualms about getting naked and strutted in style. Now much more shy, although I'm still not what are called self conscious. 

As I get older I would say that I'm more self conscious in general. But I have no problems with arousal. The desire is more complicated.

I think of my chin hair now as a stray eyebrow. 
Dr Sharon O'Conner. 

Feelings of physical inadequacy are more likely to emerge if a woman in her fifties considers herself a composition with younger women.

Men and women seem so different about sex. Men can have a quickie without feeling bad, I suppose if you women can. If you believe that character from Sex in the City. But I'm not one of them. I'm suspicious now and understand that about me. It's a conundrum. Part of me wants to get back into a relationship, while the other says I don't wanna go through another depression of feeling rejected because he wants a 20 year old. 

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, Special Challenges

Some gay men and lesbians and bisexual people my have unique challenges as they age. For example some belief that the competition to be young, vital and attractive is more accurate in the gay world than it is for heterosexual people.

Im not happy with the way my **** has aged, it hangs lower than it used to. Everything just looks well old and it effects the way I am with my partner now. 

It's harder to find sexual parters now. I last lover was 15 years younger. He was a real wild man all emotional spirit a lot of a man. We were together for 6 years until he died of aids. He also was a terrible drug addict and smoked crack the time. I lived with him once he got sick. 

My cousin is 55. She's a lesbian and she was raised a strict Catholic. When she came out it attracted a lot of attention, because she's very Butch. She's a police officer. She came to visit me and brought her girlfriend. But recently she became 'born again'. Now she doesn't think of the self is gay even though she lives with a woman. She thinks she's given up lesbianism for good. She actually believes all that bullshit about gays going to hell. So she's trying to live the straight life before she dies. She's in denial about of sexuality. I don't think you can just walk away from being a lesbian. 

They can also be exceptional challenges for middle aged people living with physical or mental disability.

I'm bipolar and its been a problem all my life. It's tough when I have an episode to make the right decisions. There are lots of good ideas to go to bed with someone on now, but even at my age. I have to have ask someone to take care of me. That means at times I have to leave decisions about sexual appropriateness to someone else. Not fun for a 54 year old adult. 

When I ask about personal definitions of sexuality, people in their fifties suddenly seemed more resolved in their acceptance of that going on others sexual preferences are.

My definition would involve two people who are attracted to each other. Comfortable with themselves and their sexuality and interested in playing and finding what they like sexually. It would involve an exploration of each other's body. 

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly