Sexlife, in our fifties

If you want to improve sex ask, 'what do you enjoy? what do you feel? because I care.
William Masters 
In our fifties new challenges may require us to work hard to maintain our sexual health navigating menopause, dealing with hormonal changes and having potentially serious diseases such as cancer can affect sexuality. However many people have fantastic sex during this decade partly because they're smart enough to slow down to enjoy it. Some are becoming empty nesters and actually have more uninterrupted time to spend in the pursuit of pleasure. It is common to believe that we automatically lose our sexual desire and ability as we get older, this is absolutely not true but certain changes do take place, and it's worth being aware of these so that, if necessary they can be counterbalanced inappropriate ways. For example many women find that in their fifties and beyond the lubricating progress takes longer, in other words the way their vaginas become slippery inside is different from when they were in their twenties and they may not produce as much fluid as they did in earlier years.
I remember when I was much younger I'd suddenly be aware of two things that seem to happen simultaneously. After I had mental lust for someone, I had a wet feeling in my crotch. Sometimes the it was so strong, it would make me dizzy. I used to feel embarrassed about the wetness, because I thought it was gush out and everyone would know. Things are a bit different now, I have to ask my partner to slow down because I need time to get wet enough inside. When I'm too dry sex can hurt.

These days I sort of know when I want to have sex with my partner. It can take me by surprise, once we start though I really get into it. I always get ready eventually, but if he answers me too early it doesn't feel comfortable We use personal lubricant sometimes but my favourite way to have sex with him to make me cum with his tongue first, then I'm wonderfully wet and enjoy intercourse much more.

Some women experience no difference in the amount of quantity of their vaginal lubrication others notice a changing of the mucus.

I used to think it was the consistency of 'bearnaise sauce' now it's more like a vinaigrette.

Researches tell us that as women age, both the width and length of the vagina decrease. In canvassing personal opinions about this, I found few women in their fifties and beyond were aware of that change. And several of them and said they didnt believe that this had occurred. But it is subjective isn't it? All of these women have sexually active.

I've been having sex with the same man for over 30 years we've always fit together nicely and I'm sure he would have noticed that it change.

During my 50s I had 7 or 8 sexual partners each with different sized penises that range from smallest to the large side and some were quite wide. I seem to be able to accommodate each of them perfectly well.

When I was 58 I was traveling abroad and had an affair with a much younger man, he was pretty athletic in bed and his penis was quite big and wide on the end. I was actually a bit nervous about keeping up with him, but I actually managed that quite well, except of my vagina is didnt seem to stretch as well as I did when I was younger and after prolonged intercourse they tended to be a bit of blood, he just thought I was having a period. As if!

Ask any married woman the difference between a husband and a toy boy and she tell you, about 3 hrs Kathy Lette

An extended period of thrusting isn't always what a woman wants, at any age, but it may be even less desirable for women who are not lubricating as proficiently as they once were (or are on hormone replacement therapy, which supports a lubricating process). Other sexual changes thought to occur in aging women is, as they approach orgasm the feeling of inevitablity is less obvious and doesn't last as long. I asked few women about this and most of them found it difficult to imagine.

I've never even thought about what happens just before I come, it's usually something Iike 'don't stop what you're doing or I'll have to kill you'.

Once I know I'm going to cum, I'm usually just trying to stay in that delicious state for as long as possible. I don't think that's changed at all.

Now that you've described it get it, you're talking about that period of thrashing trying to cum before the kids come barging in. Yeah it's definitely got shorter since they got old enough to know what we're doing.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly