Sexlife, toxic sex

Sadly some people get in to toxic sexual relationships from which they find it difficult to withdraw from, for reasons of unhealthy bonds. They usually need psychotherapy or counselling to help them change their pattern making, to end such unhealthy choices.

He would beat me up, and then when I was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor crying hysterically he would have sex with me. I' responded because a little human touch at that point means everything. It was erotic, but it was really sick. 

The ultimate toxic relationship is incest and this is more common than people think.

When I was a teenager I started having sex with my father. Most people would think of this as abuse. But how I feel about him, I adore him. And I'm really happy to express my love for him this way. I have that closeness with him. Now I'm in my thirties, I see him very often but when I do we usually have sex. It's only become a problem. Because I think my stepmom caught on last time I visited, she kicked me out of the house. 

This testimony will be shocking to most people, because the actions of the father and daughter. As a psychologist and sexologist my task is to avoid being judgmental of the individuals involved. That testimony. is simply is an illustration of just how diverse human sexual behavior can be.

I have also had many counts of people who engage in sexual activity with their animals.

I wank my dog, because I want him to have pleasure to. 

As its well illustrated by the testimony, there is an incredibly wide variety of human sexual behavior that if not stopped or discovered in early adulthood can lead to trouble.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Conolly

Sexlife, cyber sex

Its pretty hard to avoid and those who type and masturbate at the same time. It certainly redefines the art of multitasking.

I like to watch p*** I know it's mainly for men but it gives me ideas and then I have sex.

Wanking is nowhere near as good as the real thing, but at this level there's no difference from using a DVD.

I wouldn't judge people that get off on it, but it's not for me. Mainly because it's so much better when it's real.

Sexual media influence, generally affect our sexuality far more than most people recognise. They are not always negative, but they are a strong force that can often alter people's expectations, provide unrealistic notions of what sex is all about. The messages I've received about sex are mainly from movies magazines and selling.

I've been keen on sex since childhood, cinema and books will get you one way or another, love all hate them. Whether it's Romeo and Juliet, Beyonce, United States or Tara (an American TV show). I feel I'm an island in most regards when it comes to the media.

This debate about pornography erotica continues the politically correct term is an oxymoron, the fact is many people are drawn to it and unfortunately many received the bulk of a sex education from it.

My wife was featured posing in a sex magazine I couldn't wait to get hold of her glossy spreed and whack off to it. I know I've got the real thing at home. But seeing her all airbrushed like that was extra hot.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. Gloria Learner

I like watching other women in p*** movies I mean I know they're faking and everything but they have some amazing tricks up their sleeves, well if they wore sleeves.

I find it stimulating but then it gets very 'samy' and it's really aimed at men who want to watch other men getting f***** as far as I can see. I like the kind of porn that has story and stuff, that's designed for women. It's not so easy to find, but I'm not turned on by those endless cum shots. I want to bit of romance and for the woman to be in charge and get a guy to go down on her.

As a heterosexual was really surprised that I was really turned on by watching gay male p*** but then there are two or more gorgeous man with huge cocks what's not to like.

I hate p*** but my boyfriend likes to watch it while having sex, every time it really puts me off and I think I know enough. The other day I asked him to give me cullenings and he said yes but immediately put on some porn. I complained and he said 'ok' and started to work on my pussy. Well halfway through, I look up and realise he had put the porn movie on with no sound. I was about to make a real fuss, but then I thought, fair enough, I laid back with my eyes closed to enjoy my own private fantasy about George Clooney.

It makes me feel physically sick, I just can't believe that guy's think those women are really enjoying themselves, making stupid faces. Yes, they understand wrestling is all acting, why can't they understand porn is too. Women with those gigantic plastic tits, I just think how painful it must have been to acquire those. I've got naturally large breasts and one guy actually asked me to lick my own nipples like it'd seem Porn too. So, yeah, it's gotten to the point where I feel like to go shave my vulva. What they don't think I'm normal? and some of them look like they had their labia surgically removed, that'll be the next thing, then we'll see the rest of us women will seem abnormal to have vaginal lips.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, in our nineties and beyond

Sex can be fun after 80, after 90 and after lunch. 
George Burns

Unfortunately George Burns view is not a widely spread notion. However I found the stereotype of older adults being disinterested in sex can be untrue. Younger people do not find it easy to imagine a grandparents as being sexually active, however, many adults in their 80s told me they were still interested in having an active and varied sex life and many value it enormously as a fantastic source of comfort and pleasure.
We can without question be sexual until the day we pass on, is a look after our sexual health. For sexual Longevity, health is more the defining factor than ageing itself. But even people in ill health with physical or mental disabilities can still find creative ways to have pleasure if they wish, but sometimes they may have to go the extra mile to work out exactly how.

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns 

George Barnes was wrong about that one, as I said in previous chapters men do not automatically stop being capable of erections just because they are ageing and the fact that they may not be as firm or reclaim as they once were, does not mean their owners cannot give and receive men sexual pleasure.

As a young man I used to have for four supple members and one stiff. Now I have four stiff and one supple. Henri, Duc d'Aumale

Many healthy 80 year olds are surprised to discover that they still maintain the ability to have erections and even a partial erections. This can help it's owner achieve ejaculation. Due to the common mythology about sex and ageing, they had been previously convinced that this was impossible, or even wrong.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Conolly

Sexlife, in our sixties

What is sex like in our 60's? It's actually like it is at 30, you just get hurt when it goes wrong. 
Joan Rivers

In our culture there is the general notion that sex ends before old age. So our sixties and even earlier are considered to be a sexless time. There is absolutely no reason why this has to be true but, nonetheless many people believe it. Not only that but younger people are often highly judgemental about sexuality between older people and the latter are usually secretive about their continuing of erotic lives, for fear of shocking them.

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle-age. William Feather

Adult children would seem to prefer that their parents play role models of 'Mum and Pop' and find themselves at bingo as opposed to ripping off each other's clothes friend evening of erotic fun. Whether younger people can accept it or not and how many prejudice there are about sexuality later in life, Sex is extremely important too many older adults. Having a happy and comfortable sex life at this age usually improves the overall quality of life, so it's worth trying to stay healthy enough to maintain it. Sexuality can actually improve as we age. Affection sensuality and even hot lusty eroticism are all possible and common in people of sixty and beyond. However we may have to do a little maintenance work. Some people accept the natural physiological changes that occur in our 60's but others are not so happy about them and worry they are doomed to a sexless old age.

Its been 20 years since I have sex. I got a pacemaker 3 years ago, when I was 64, for many years I felt esstranged from my husband and our relationship is become a marriage of convenience. But the thought of never having sex again my whole life makes me very sad.

Perhaps we buy into the idea that sex should and does end prior to middle age because of the lingering puritanical notion that sex is only for procreation, and once you become incapable of that you have to retire your pelvis.

I know my parents stopped having sex when they were in their mid 40's, and moved to separate bedrooms. I'm not sure why, they are both healthy and in good shape. When I reached the same age I had to fight the feeling that it was over for me, too. Fortunately my wife made it clear she was never going to give up, and now I now were in our 60s still getting fresh. 

Puritanism, the haunting fear, that someone, somewhere might be having a good time.
H.L. Mencken

Although some people try to be stoic, many are secretly terrified about their approaching old age. Fortunately some also obstinate:
 f*** aging gracefully, I'm going kicking and screaming.

But many men and women are still sexy and vital in the sixties and beyond and capable of a rich sex lives. They are often sexually confident and their experience counts for a lot, as they know their own bodies and they know how to give another person pleasure, and not afraid to try new things.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, in our seventies

Just because there is no snow on the roof, doesn't mean the boiler has gone out.

More people are living young longer and demanding a better quality of life in later years, so it doesn't make sense that as a society we should avoid being judgemental and disapproving of sexuality among Elders. I recognise that sex is a source of pleasure and comfort no matter how old a person my be.

Don't let the wrinkles fool you, you'll be surprised what we older folk get up to!

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman.
Jack Nicholson 

Family discussions I've had with people in their seventies and eighties and beyond, it is clear that for many of them sexuality ranks pretty high on the list of priorities. Some may want it more others, some are actively looking for a partner and many long for information about sexuality in a particular age, and how to navigate bodily issues that can make sexuality a bit more challenging in the latter years.

The movies at all about romance between young people. There seems to be a little recognition that older people could be having the same feelings, let alone be acting on them. But my friends and I (mainly single at this point) are interested in similar things, we mainly kept quiet about it, because you don't want to shock our kids.

Many people in their seventies and beyond have complained to me they were there they would like to be taken more seriously as sexual beings.

The young people get all the attention, don't they? When I have sexual feelings I feel as though I shouldn't be having them and as I am an aberration, that I should stop all this nonsense and focus on knitting. At 78 my eyesight is too poor for knitting now, but it doesn't hinder me when I have relations.

There's one gentleman here and in our senior residence who's quite a wolf. He chases all the ladies and doesn't want to take no for an answer. Some of the ladies flirt back, but I wouldn't want to be sought cheap.

Many people in their seventies are sexually active. By that I mean they enjoy at least some aspect of sexuality such a self pleasuring, sensual-touch (genital or otherwise) intercourse with others and many other kinds of sexual contact. But not everyone valuse sex at this or any other stage and of course, it is perfectly possible to have a happy life and a good relationship without it.

Sex is off my radar, I'd rather finish the crossword puzzle.

The specifics of sex may seriously vary as we age, but it is still possible to enjoy it as an important aspect of our connection with others and a healthy, lifelong source of pleasure and effort.

One of my lady friends said 'You're a dirty old man (we were in bed at the time and she was giggling and she said it). I said, I may be a dirty but you're nearly 70 what does that make you? She thought for a moment and then she said I am a SOW. A sexy old woman,she replied, I just made that up.

Masturbation is common and a useful form of sexual expression to people in their seventies and older.

Don't knock masturbation, Its sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen 

For example, if one partner wants to be sexual but the other one doesn't there's no reason why the less interested party cant hold the other while they're bringing themselves to climax. In fact this is something that could happen any age for women with partners. Women who think they might want to have intercourse at some point in the future and need to keep their vaginas from atrophy, by using a penis shaped vibrator with a clitoris stimulator may be a good solution.

I hope my kids never find my stack of sex toys ,I feel putting them in a box labeled 'censored' in the event of my death, 'open at your peril'.

My yoga teacher is my inspiration, he Swedish 6 foot 4 inches. And to say he is a sight for sore eyes is an understatement. He gets pretty warm in the room and after 15 minutes his shirt is damp and he is sweating so much every muscle in his body is defined and popping out. I put my mat near the front of the room so I can see him, even smell him, is better. As I get home I think about him but I use my vibrator. That class is worth every penny.

At 78, I definitely don't advertise my sexuality as far as my family is concerned, I'm quite sure that if my children knew how hot and heavy Burt and  I get, they would be quite shocked.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Conolly

Sexlife, in our fifties

If you want to improve sex ask, 'what do you enjoy? what do you feel? because I care.
William Masters 
In our fifties new challenges may require us to work hard to maintain our sexual health navigating menopause, dealing with hormonal changes and having potentially serious diseases such as cancer can affect sexuality. However many people have fantastic sex during this decade partly because they're smart enough to slow down to enjoy it. Some are becoming empty nesters and actually have more uninterrupted time to spend in the pursuit of pleasure. It is common to believe that we automatically lose our sexual desire and ability as we get older, this is absolutely not true but certain changes do take place, and it's worth being aware of these so that, if necessary they can be counterbalanced inappropriate ways. For example many women find that in their fifties and beyond the lubricating progress takes longer, in other words the way their vaginas become slippery inside is different from when they were in their twenties and they may not produce as much fluid as they did in earlier years.
I remember when I was much younger I'd suddenly be aware of two things that seem to happen simultaneously. After I had mental lust for someone, I had a wet feeling in my crotch. Sometimes the it was so strong, it would make me dizzy. I used to feel embarrassed about the wetness, because I thought it was gush out and everyone would know. Things are a bit different now, I have to ask my partner to slow down because I need time to get wet enough inside. When I'm too dry sex can hurt.

These days I sort of know when I want to have sex with my partner. It can take me by surprise, once we start though I really get into it. I always get ready eventually, but if he answers me too early it doesn't feel comfortable We use personal lubricant sometimes but my favourite way to have sex with him to make me cum with his tongue first, then I'm wonderfully wet and enjoy intercourse much more.

Some women experience no difference in the amount of quantity of their vaginal lubrication others notice a changing of the mucus.

I used to think it was the consistency of 'bearnaise sauce' now it's more like a vinaigrette.

Researches tell us that as women age, both the width and length of the vagina decrease. In canvassing personal opinions about this, I found few women in their fifties and beyond were aware of that change. And several of them and said they didnt believe that this had occurred. But it is subjective isn't it? All of these women have sexually active.

I've been having sex with the same man for over 30 years we've always fit together nicely and I'm sure he would have noticed that it change.

During my 50s I had 7 or 8 sexual partners each with different sized penises that range from smallest to the large side and some were quite wide. I seem to be able to accommodate each of them perfectly well.

When I was 58 I was traveling abroad and had an affair with a much younger man, he was pretty athletic in bed and his penis was quite big and wide on the end. I was actually a bit nervous about keeping up with him, but I actually managed that quite well, except of my vagina is didnt seem to stretch as well as I did when I was younger and after prolonged intercourse they tended to be a bit of blood, he just thought I was having a period. As if!

Ask any married woman the difference between a husband and a toy boy and she tell you, about 3 hrs Kathy Lette

An extended period of thrusting isn't always what a woman wants, at any age, but it may be even less desirable for women who are not lubricating as proficiently as they once were (or are on hormone replacement therapy, which supports a lubricating process). Other sexual changes thought to occur in aging women is, as they approach orgasm the feeling of inevitablity is less obvious and doesn't last as long. I asked few women about this and most of them found it difficult to imagine.

I've never even thought about what happens just before I come, it's usually something Iike 'don't stop what you're doing or I'll have to kill you'.

Once I know I'm going to cum, I'm usually just trying to stay in that delicious state for as long as possible. I don't think that's changed at all.

Now that you've described it get it, you're talking about that period of thrashing trying to cum before the kids come barging in. Yeah it's definitely got shorter since they got old enough to know what we're doing.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly

Sexlife, in our forties

Women are most fascinating between ages of 35 and 40, after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few ever past 40, Maximum fascination can continue indefinitely Christian Dior 

The many people reaching 40 may herald the beginning sense mortality. Approaching mid-life is certainly sobering for many of us, even though we tend to fudge the exact age we think constitutes middle age. After all if we're going to live to 101 at 40 were no where near halfway. In earlier times turning 40 meant that women in particular where past it sexually speaking, but now we hear phrases like 60 years is the new 40. There are enough attractive 40 something female role models around to inspire women who are anxious about losing the ability to be considered sexually vibrant. At this point nevertheless many worry about it it's not our fault, it's not quite as easy to maintain health and fitness as it was earlier a decade ago. The relationship between our physical state and I'll sexual health is well established, some people begin to experience a poor quality of sex of course. Different people are at different stages of family and career. Some people have even chosen to leave childbearing to their late thirties or even beyond so they may just be beginning to deal with the sleepless nights and lack of time, inclination and privacy for sex that other people have experienced in the past. Some people in their forties may have kids who are slow in the nest and may feel free to become more sexually adventurous others may have become bored with a sexual Status Quo, some may be beginning to lose their confidence, notice signs of aging. In our society many people in their forties begin to sense a lack of interest from people they may have once had attracted to them, simply not looking at me the way they used to.

They still flirt with me and we have a great conversation the end of the evening, they say goodbye and disappear into the night with a 20 year old on their arm. Then I have to feel foolish for thinking they're interested in me and self-loathing sets in.

Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly