Many teenagers experience devastating Heartbreak, they are usually unskilled at negotiating relationships expressing feelings and dealing with rejection. They can undergo considerable emotional pain without knowing how to handle the situation that caused it. It can be particularly difficult for teenagers when parents mandate separation from someone to whom they are strongly connected with.
When I was 17 my boyfriend had to break up with me because his Mum found and unflushed condom in the toilet. We we're going to his house during lunch for a quickie.
Frankly if I was the parent in the above example I would be enormously grateful that my son was being safe and after a bit of investigation would probably encourage the relationship.
I know it can be shocking to be confronted with evidence of your child sexuality, but too often adolescents are left with a feeling that they're normal sexual desire and expression is on par with an axe murderer. It can have a negative effect on their later life sexuality. What teenagers are feeling and what is expected of them are unspoken and complex, affected and defined by development and influences. There are so many aspects of the human experience including biological, Social, Cultural, religious, familiar, interpersonal and psychological.
It seems like whatever I was doing, it was always wrong, I could no longer trust my instincts because my instincts were telling me to do things that would invariably get me in trouble.
What many people don't understand is that adolescent sexual expression is not just about sex.
Sex is bound up with the normal stage of psychological development even the troubling stuff and having a stressful home environment will have a significant effect on every aspect of a teenager's life including sexuality.
I don't really remember any sexual feelings starting at puberty, if anything my feelings would die during puberty because of stress and disruption at home. Pending divorce and lots of fighting.
As far as sexuality was concerned, I was just doing what I thought I should be doing, it was like trying to navigate my way through a minefield in the dark, with no one to tell me what was ok or what was normal. I so much wanted to be normal but I didn't know what that was. I wasn't in touch with my own emotions or desire at all. I was a follower desperately trying to fit in puberty. It was a total Labyrinth to me. It does hurt me to think about it.
When I was 13 I had a slumber party for my birthday I was a shy girl in school and didn't have a boyfriend, but one day the girls in the popular group decided to let me in. I was so happy sexually they were so advanced, I invited them to come over for my birthday, but what I didn't know was that those girls told their boyfriends to come over in the middle of the night. They climbed in the window my father was very strict. He came downstairs of caught the boys hid under the sleeping bags, but my father grabbed them and called their parents 'Do you know where your son is right now? in my house in my daughter's room' he scolded me saying 'I can't trust you anymore'. But I only want to be popular, I think it scared him so much, but it was terrible I never had another party. The popular girl's never want to hang around with me because I had this furious father.
To this day my father is never been interested in any of my boyfriend's.
Events such as these can leave massive scars on a person psyche, young woman in question learn that being involved in sexual behaviour even if it was not her own, calls her to be shunned, mistrusted and punished. But learning aside some people young start off at a disadvantage. Unfortunately teenagers are not all equal in terms of gender sexual orientation psychology character physique intelligence privilege, background, race, ethnicity, and many other salient factors that can affect the choices they make, or don't when it comes to sex.
There was this boy, he was 13 and I was 15 and we will go to the woods to give each other full on blow jobs to the point of ejaculation, but when I came out the fooling around stop because he was black and his family was not Liberal. I didn't see him for 3 years but when I was 19 I went into a gay bar and there he was he was 17 gorgeous holy shit, he looks older than me really mature I could drink. We started making out and went back to his sister's house but he still wasn't out and had a very religious family, so we had to see each other secretly, we fell in love, I asked him to marry me and he said yes. Two years later he was shot and killed. At his funeral I looked like I was on something. People are like who the hell is that white boy rocking back and forth crying?
This tragic story, like many I have heard, really Illustrated deeply our sexuality. In time with the values of our family religion race and many other aspects of our society and background, how terribly difficult it can be when love and sexual passion are at odds. With all of that certainty teenagers face seemingly unsurmountable barriers against asexual self-expression especially gay-bisexual and transgender young people with special needs and anyone who's family subjects to their parents.
Partners choices for one reason or another, such difficulties can become so intense that many adolescents become hopeless and at risk of suicide. Some teenagers and their families struggle with poverty and lack of equal opportunities for education and a hopeful future. Many adolescents are at risk of experiencing negative sexual consequences such as becoming homeless pregnant or abused. Some may run away from home, turn to prostitution or abuse alcohol or drugs. Teenagers are at risk of unsafe sex practices and contracting HIV or other STI. Teenagers at risk need help in the form of realistic sexual education counselling and support services.
After my mum went to prison I more or less lived on the street from the age of 14 till I was almost 17 sometimes I get cash working as a rent boy but my addiction meant that I could never get stable, any way I'm now 19 and I've been HIV positive for 4 years now but at least I'm clean.
Dr Pamela Stephenson Connelly
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