In psychological terms having extramarital relationships with or without physical sex can be extremely stressful, it can be a huge strain and if the affair is discovered, it can seriously threaten the marriage. In addition because human beings tend to meet similar types of people, often the situation is no less problematic than a primary one.
The first breath of adultery is the freest
It is difficult to find reliable statistics relating to the proportion of committed men and women. Naturally people do not want to come clean about their secret, many people think that it's men who are most likely to cheat. Judging from my clinical experience a very high proportion of women do to. Women appear to be more social and to desire monogamy. They can also feel conflicted about it.
I tell my girlfriends I want to be like Samantha in Sex and the City and date lots of men, even use them for pleasure the same way they traditionally use women. But it's always the same thing, I meet a cute guy date a few times, have fabulous sex. Then I asking the question that includes a word exclusive. Well that's a show passion killer for most guys and they always run a mile. I'm such an idiot I can't help myself. Somewhere inside me there's a housewife in an apron trying to break free.
Men may have a secret Sanctuary were only 1 woman may enter but its full of little rooms which are still vacant. Helen Rowland
Some people cheat because they are bored and can't resist the opportunity for a bit of excitement, because they have lost the spark of sex in their primary partnerships, some people just want to feel desired for a change. Why others have extramarital sex, because they are angry with their spouses and want revenge, maybe that they feel neglected and require validation, for some people ageing is a factor that gives some reassurance. Others feel trapped in a marriage due to their financial restraint or not wanting to upset the children and having an affair is one way to escape.
He was a meat and potatoes type of lover and I don't blame him for that. However I had these urges to have the kind of erotic experiences that put me on a whole different pleasure pain plane and I was so incredibly cautious about sex. Once my lover took me to a professional dominatrix who ordered me to do all kinds of shocking things, another time I watched a woman dress my lover is a woman and then spank him and penetrated him with a dildo. I want to play parties where they were several rooms of people engaging in bondage, candle play, spanking, whipping all kinds of erotic torture. It was crazy, incredible time. Now that I'm older I still don't feel guilty about it, I look back on My Secret Life.
Sexual curiosity is a fairly common reason some people choose to stay, but there a great many more reasons. Being irresistibly attracted to someone else, not having much sex as they wished to have with a primary partner. Trying to make him or her jealous sometimes, it's because a partner is unable to have sex for health reasons, some people even have affairs in order to get out of an unhappy relationships, although this is usually and unconscious reason or having sex to become pregnant if it's not possible with a primary partner.
It was really hard to get my needs met in my marriage, it seems he had all the control and made his decisions, on top of that he had very little time for me, although he was quite available for his golfing buddies. When someone came along he paid me a lot of attention. I just couldn't resist that. I enjoyed the sex but the best thing was feeling I was appreciated.
A partner suspecting can arouse strong feelings of sexual jealousy, something we all feel in certain situations but some of us feel it more intensely than others. Pain or sadness can be experienced by anyone at any age by anyone who is disappointed in love for a few people the desperation and hopelessness that they feel can lead to suicide or even homicide.
I was barely 20 and he was 11 years older, I was working and nightclubs to get myself through university, I usually didn't get home until 2 a.m. I walked in on him in bed with a woman I judged to be older, more beautiful and more sophisticated than me. She saw me first, sat up and shook him awake 'George you've got a visitor' I felt so betrayed the pain seems unbearable. I thought about throwing myself over and nearby cliff. He was my first and suppose that made it worse after two years together, when I thought we were best friends, he broke up with me and very suddenly very Cavalier way, I know he wanted to have the freedom to try other women. I was his first as well but I was enormously painful. I felt so betrayed and losing him became a much wider problem because I realise that most of the people in my circle were originally his friends so I became really lonely as well.
People let me know they feel sorry for me it was embarrassing and humiliating it would be over so I can start to pull myself together it's been 4 years now and I still miss him. I haven't been able to have sex with anyone since.
Loss of love can lead to serious depression, human beings are essentially resilient and healing will take place eventually but psychological treatment should be considered if the pain last for a long time. It is necessary to seek professional help if there are feelings of hopelessness all sorts of suicide.
Dr Pamela Stephenson Connolly
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